Tuesday, May 8, 2012

...........time to say good bye

Hi folks,

This is my last entry in the this blog.. I know its been a very long time since I have wrote anything here , but as all of us know, sometimes your life changes and your priorities change.

As most of you know I went thru a life experience last August that has changed me for ever , I wish I could say that its that event alone that has caused my focus to shift , but that wouldn't be a 100 % truthful , and I am not going to lie to you all in this final post.

This past October, Amelia's mother and I separated..... As some of you may already know, that's just a horrible thing to go thru and for me personally , I feel a great deal of failure . Amelia and my self... have only lived under the same roof every day and night for the first 6 months of her life. Now our life together has changed once again , I try my hardest  enjoy what little time I have with my two children , I have learned all to well in my life that sometimes you just don't see whats coming around that corner .  Life can be so cruel and hard sometimes  , that I just want to let there love and my love rain on each other when we are together.

 I cant begin to tell you all how much I miss my family.... For 5 long years... I left my house...and my family behind for the week , and did what i thought was best for my kids... my wife and myself in the long run , but as I mentioned before... I didn't see this coming around the corner... and I guess maybe I should have considering how much I was gone. I cant speak for there mom, but I know I feel a great sense of failure ... and any parent that feels like they let their kids down ever , knows exactly how I feel.

I can you all  tell that Amelia and her big brother Ethan , are all I really have in this world... and I'm so damn proud of the both of them... There life in a lot of ways hasn't changed... there still at home with mom... now its just Dad never comes home and they get to take a little rd trip to meet there dad every second weekend , so for that .. I'm glad they never had there lives torn up like most kids do from broken homes.

As my kids and I move on with a different life together , I'm going to learn how to be the best Dad that I can be , I have missed them so much during there lives and I just want ever single moment to count to the fullest.... Ethan has become such a fine young boy, and I know that he misses me as much as I miss him and I'm going to try my best to make his life better by being the Father that he so richly deserves.  Amelia everyone is a real gem .... She is brilliant.... bright.... she goes after it... nothing...and i mean nothing will stop her from being the very best she can be at anything... She is learning more and more each day how to speak...pronounce and place her words correctly.. She has become a fantastic dancer...gymnast and now she has got the skipping bug and wow.... is she awesome.

I guess this is the hard part... When I started this blog...I felt lost... hopeless ...scared...confused...worried...about what life as a family was going to be like going forward with a child that was deaf and uses cochlear implants to her with.... along the way I have met many people who have commented on this blog... and many who have said some of the warmest heart felt kind words to me about this blog and what its meant to them, and for those who have and you know who you are....I cant begin to tell you how honored and humbled that you have got something out of this mans thoughts... there are no words that i can use to say how truly blessed and happy that has made me feel. I find it ironic that as I end this blog... emotionally I'm in the same place as I was when I started this blog , just for different reasons... of which I will get thru... even when I still see so many dark days ahead... Everybody reading this... I want you to know how much I love you all for what ever time you took reading this... I do love you from the bottom of my heart.

Finally... Dear Amelia... Honey I am so very proud of you... Every day you  live to inspire me, and inspire others.... I know you don't see Daddy allot... but I know you know how much I love you, and I want you to know,  that no matter whats going on or how far away I am,  I am your Daddy and you are my pumpkin and I will always be here for you and I am so blessed to have you in my life ...teaching me that the little gifts we have been given , the ones we take for granted, are the ones that mean the most... like sitting in the back yard listening to the birds and the kids play down the street.


All of you ...kiss and hug some one you love today... not everyone gets a hug  and kiss when  they need them!!

Amelia's Daddy