Tuesday, May 8, 2012

...........time to say good bye

Hi folks,

This is my last entry in the this blog.. I know its been a very long time since I have wrote anything here , but as all of us know, sometimes your life changes and your priorities change.

As most of you know I went thru a life experience last August that has changed me for ever , I wish I could say that its that event alone that has caused my focus to shift , but that wouldn't be a 100 % truthful , and I am not going to lie to you all in this final post.

This past October, Amelia's mother and I separated..... As some of you may already know, that's just a horrible thing to go thru and for me personally , I feel a great deal of failure . Amelia and my self... have only lived under the same roof every day and night for the first 6 months of her life. Now our life together has changed once again , I try my hardest  enjoy what little time I have with my two children , I have learned all to well in my life that sometimes you just don't see whats coming around that corner .  Life can be so cruel and hard sometimes  , that I just want to let there love and my love rain on each other when we are together.

 I cant begin to tell you all how much I miss my family.... For 5 long years... I left my house...and my family behind for the week , and did what i thought was best for my kids... my wife and myself in the long run , but as I mentioned before... I didn't see this coming around the corner... and I guess maybe I should have considering how much I was gone. I cant speak for there mom, but I know I feel a great sense of failure ... and any parent that feels like they let their kids down ever , knows exactly how I feel.

I can you all  tell that Amelia and her big brother Ethan , are all I really have in this world... and I'm so damn proud of the both of them... There life in a lot of ways hasn't changed... there still at home with mom... now its just Dad never comes home and they get to take a little rd trip to meet there dad every second weekend , so for that .. I'm glad they never had there lives torn up like most kids do from broken homes.

As my kids and I move on with a different life together , I'm going to learn how to be the best Dad that I can be , I have missed them so much during there lives and I just want ever single moment to count to the fullest.... Ethan has become such a fine young boy, and I know that he misses me as much as I miss him and I'm going to try my best to make his life better by being the Father that he so richly deserves.  Amelia everyone is a real gem .... She is brilliant.... bright.... she goes after it... nothing...and i mean nothing will stop her from being the very best she can be at anything... She is learning more and more each day how to speak...pronounce and place her words correctly.. She has become a fantastic dancer...gymnast and now she has got the skipping bug and wow.... is she awesome.

I guess this is the hard part... When I started this blog...I felt lost... hopeless ...scared...confused...worried...about what life as a family was going to be like going forward with a child that was deaf and uses cochlear implants to her with.... along the way I have met many people who have commented on this blog... and many who have said some of the warmest heart felt kind words to me about this blog and what its meant to them, and for those who have and you know who you are....I cant begin to tell you how honored and humbled that you have got something out of this mans thoughts... there are no words that i can use to say how truly blessed and happy that has made me feel. I find it ironic that as I end this blog... emotionally I'm in the same place as I was when I started this blog , just for different reasons... of which I will get thru... even when I still see so many dark days ahead... Everybody reading this... I want you to know how much I love you all for what ever time you took reading this... I do love you from the bottom of my heart.

Finally... Dear Amelia... Honey I am so very proud of you... Every day you  live to inspire me, and inspire others.... I know you don't see Daddy allot... but I know you know how much I love you, and I want you to know,  that no matter whats going on or how far away I am,  I am your Daddy and you are my pumpkin and I will always be here for you and I am so blessed to have you in my life ...teaching me that the little gifts we have been given , the ones we take for granted, are the ones that mean the most... like sitting in the back yard listening to the birds and the kids play down the street.


All of you ...kiss and hug some one you love today... not everyone gets a hug  and kiss when  they need them!!

Amelia's Daddy

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Way way to long!!!

Hi Everyone,

I know its been a real long time since I updated this page , and I am sorry for those who have been wondering how Amelia is doing in her wonderful world of sound, but since it has been so long I will fill you in on whats gone on around her and for her in the past months.

Last November we had a pretty big scare... While Amelia's Mom and brother were traveling home from Hockey practice they had a accident thanks to road conditions and a friendly Deer crossing the rd. Thank fully both were fine , other then some cuts , bumps , and bruises.
I do have to say that Amelia's brother Ethan was a very courageous and showed great smarts in a bad situation.. Ethan was brave enough to get him self out of the car that was on its roof...He climbed out the rear windshield ... made his was through some small trees to his mothers door and insisted that she now get out of the car. Even thinking about it now ... I fill up with such pride.. I cant and most likely never will be able to put in to words how he has made me feel since he came in to this world... I don't think I have had the honor and the privilege of knowing a finer human being and soul then my son.. He has always shown great heart... compassion... and love for the people and things he cares about , and it shows even more with his little sister.. Sure he has his moments with her like all 8 year old brothers would with his 5 year old sister , but I do know he loves her as much as she loves him, and that..right there... is one of the greatest things i have experienced as a parent.. just this past last week..my wife reminded of how great my children happy makes me feel by saying " That's what I love right there... you hear that..our kids playing with friends and just being kids and just being happy..that's what really makes me happy" and you know, deep down in side... as a parent when your kids are young.... how blessed are we to get to listen and see there faces when they feel that way .

Amelia also stared school this past year and had just a Amazing time... She expanded her abilities in so many ways just by being with her classmates, and getting to learn about many things and getting to be with kids her own age everyday. I do have to say there was a real negative side to her school year as well.
The school bored as a whole up here is really lacking... they lack the ability to get a child that hears with cochlear implants a Fm system before April in the school year..yes that's right April... Back in May of 2010 Sonya ..myself and the school board officials all agreed that a FM system would be needed and there in Sept.. but after a whole line of excuses and reasons... it took till April to get her one.. on the positive side of that ... she really started to improve with her speech and understanding of words once she had the system in place . The things man can do now a days is really magnificent .

Amelia has also branched of from not just being a ballerina , but she now has stepped in to the world of Gymnastics.... and she loves it!!!!!!! She took many classes this year and back in May she got to show the whole town of Bancroft what her and her class mates had learned . The girls and boys put on one amazing show and for the whole time.. the smile didn't come off Amelia's face, not to mention... If you were there and didn't know Amelia... you would have never known she did everything with out her cokies on... She does it all by knowing... looking ...doing , and feeling it inside.. The music played and though she couldn't hear it..She still was able keep her rhythm through there presentations... God sometimes she just makes me so darned proud i cant stand it lol !

This Past summer we got a great gift from a great charity . Amelia is getting the latest external equipment from cochlear america's through the P.C children"s charities. We as a family cant thank them enough for there support , and I as a father and a husband I can not thank my wife and Amelia's mom for the amazing work she did in putting together Amelia's life in to words , she worked so hard and if it wasn't for her .. I know ability to get this equipment would have been a lot steeper of a hill to climb and again I know I cant ever thank her enough for doing that for Little Miss A.K. As soon as she gets them I will put up a pic to show them off to you all.

I want to thank you all who have read this blog for all the positive vibes you give out when ever you read this and think about Amelia and how she is doing. I know I haven't been on the ball with this for a long time and that my fault.. sometimes people lose there way in life...stress gets to them and they forget whats important and they forget how much the little things in life can mean and how the simplest of gestures can go along way for the person giving and receiving a kind favoras a result of that gesture . I have been guilty of that in my life like I know most of you likely have as well but recently I learned and saw first hand how horrible and tragic life can be and as hard as its been for me especially the past few weeks, I do hope I am able to come out of this a better man..a better husband...and at the very least a better father.

August 19th 2011 I experienced something I wont ever forget . a young girl riding her bike was struck by a passing pick up truck, I was there and helped administer cpr... I have no happy ending on this one..she lost her young life that day and its not something I will ever soon forget.. I think about her everyday right now and I know that in the days ahead..the thoughts wont be as frequent and my own pain and anguish that I feel will pass , but what I hope doesn't ever fade is my sense of how short this life is...how amazing laughing with your loved one is .. How beautiful it is to feel the wind strong against your face , and most importantly how great it makes you feel to get a heart felt hug form some one you love.

Lindsey.. I will never forget you, and I will never forget the lesson's you taught me the day you left this earth ... You spirit will live on in everyone who loved you and everyone you loved back.

Please hug someone after you read this... we all know it feels good and we don't do it enough

Amelia's Daddy

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Amelia's in school..and loving it!!!!!!

Hello all,

I hope everybody is enjoying a great fall season. It's always easier to say good bye to summer and welcome winter when you don't have winter blast you in the face Oct 1st.

This September and October have been huge months for Amelia. Not only did Amelia start school this year but she also went on a family trip to Newfoundland earlier this month.

Amelia has adapted really well in to her school surroundings , and really loves going to class to see her teacher and class mates, especially her cousin Joclyn . Its great that Amelia has someone she knows in her class that can help with her classmates to understand better what Amelia uses to help her hear . so far Amelia has shown that she has that itch to have a pencil or crayon in her hand. She has started well at writing her letters and numbers , and I have had the great pleasure of having Amelia start to read and that so amazing that I cant even put it in to words. Amelia's family are so proud of her and her older brother Ethan. Ethan sometimes doesn't get the attention that her sister does and yet he does not complain and for a 7 year old her puts up with his sister pretty good , and Mom and Dad both know Amelia does not make that a easy task for him. So if you ever get to meet him , your meeting a pretty special young man in his own rights.

Now on to our trip to Newfoundland...........

I am sure most of you dont know this about me , but before Oct 6th I had two real big fears and 1 of them was flying. At 8 am Oct 6th... Always gone Dad here conquered that with the help of Ethan Amelia and Mom... We all packer our pages and flew to Halifax then again off to gander Nfld.. At the airport we were greeted by Granda Winter , who drove us all to his home on the coast in a small place called badgers quay ... What a special 10 days we had... and for me it was a time I will never forget for so many reasons. We had a week and a half of no cell phones..no sirens..no stop lights!!! Amelia and her brother had the greatest time with there Granda and Nan... Every day there granda would take them to the store ..spoil them... then take them to there wharf to fish..or to the local fishery to catch some rock cod like the one Amelia's holding in the picture. As always the good time had to come to a end , and it was not easy saying good bye but we did have the best time and I have to say, the world feels a little more open to me now that I have got past my fear of flying , so that being said, I know we will go back very soon to visit with our family and friends in Newfoundland.

I have posted a small video of our trip so please enjoy

Till the next time ,

Hug your mate..... they need it as much as you do

Amelia's Daddy

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Voice camp Connections

Hello everyone far and wide,

I do hope that you all had the most enjoyable summer , and that everyone made it through safe and sound and maybe just a little tanned.

I thought it was way over do to give everyone a little up date on Amelia , and I have to say she has had the greatest summer yet.

Amelia has just returned
from visiting her Great Grandmother in Newfoundland , and as always she left her mark on the rock with family and friends. Amelia has always been so very unique and very open to her feelings and nothing showed that more then on her return flight from nfld to Toronto. Her grandmother who was on the flight with her informed us when they got home that the trip back was full of unsettling turbulence, and this for Amelia meant it was amusement park ride time. At one point the shaking got so bad that most adults were concerned , but not little A.K what does she say??? " Plane going down ..plane going down????? " with a huge smile on her face. That from what we were told brought some smiles back on peoples faces and Amelia if you have met her , knows that she has always been able to do that . :)

For Amelia and her family the highlight of out family summer time was VOICE camp. VOICE camp is help annually in august at a beautiful camp ground in the Haliburton Highlands. Its gives kids with different hearing levels of hearing loss and there families a chance to get away for some fun, share stories and most of all a real opportunity to meet people that truly do know how you and your child feel cause everyone there has that common aspect of there lives , and to me that is whats best about the camp. Just being amongst so many families that have this commonality made me and I know my wife as well feel a little less alone and we made a few new friendships along the way .

I was truly humbled as well at VOICE camp. We had never been before so we did not know what to expect , so as we were making our way though the first night , a very nice woman came up to Amelia , she had recognized her from this website and then she turned to me and said " your always gone Dad!!!" ( That`s us in the picture above .) I must say that was pretty neat , but what was most special about meeting this woman is that she had told me that our little blog here inspired her to write her own blog and that right there at that very moment made all of this blog worth it. Outside of keeping track of Amelia`s Journey , and the thoughts of a Dad that is always gone, that is the reason I do this ..to help others , to let them see that there not alone , and that regular people like the people in Amelia`s family when they stick together and support each other, can accomplish anything.

I will admit when the lights went out and I had a moment to think about what this woman had said to me.. I cried a couple humble pie tears (haha ya me king crier) I honestly never did think that I would meet someone that followed this and got out of it what I had hoped for so it was really a humbling experience for me .

I hope to have a update real soon as Amelia is set to start kindergarden in sept so that I know will be full of firsts and I cant wait to share them with you all .

Till next Time , stay safe and sound , and remember to put your heart in to everything , as you never know when your actions will become inspirations.

With Love

Amelia's Daddy

Friday, June 11, 2010

Amelia's dancing !!!

Hello everyone,

I hope your all enjoying the approach of summer and good times out doors with family and friends. We up in the Haliburton Highlands are trully enjoying the green trees and all the lakes in the area.

I can not believe that Amelia has had her cochlear implants activated for over 2 years now. The time has flown by quickly and it really has been amazing watching Amelia climb mountain after mountain. Come this September Amelia will start attending JK , and Amelia could not be happier about that. She has been attending day care 3 times a week for months now , and she just loves being with her friends playing and learning.

On Saturday June 6th, Amelia took a big step in her world. She performed in her first dance recital and oh lord was this Dad and her family very very proud. It was great seeing all the kids of different ages performing there routines, there was a lot of talent and by the size of all the performers smiles , the most important thing was reached and that was having a lot of fun.
I did my best to record Amelia performing and I was able to make a small 2 1/2 minute video that I posted on youtube , so please I hope you enjoy a small sample of Amelia live on stage.

I can not put in to words the pride I felt when I watched her on stage, She has never had anything come easy to her, and yet no matter what it is, Amelia always tries her best and to this date has been able to do very well at anything she wants and does really well at the things she loves to do , and she loves to dance!!!

Take care everyone and enjoy the summer that is coming ahead.

Keep your smile bright and heart upbeat!!

Amelia's Daddy

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

So many changes!!

Hi everyone .. long time , no blog..and yes I know .. I have let a few folks down on that dept.

I dont always find it easy to type things down ..it seems my heart needs to be feeling everything I write , or it just does not come out the way I want it too.. I will try harder..I promise :)

Now on to Ms Amelia,
Amelia has made the biggest strides in verbalizing her self... It seems like every week that I come home, she speaks more and more, and speaks with a greater clarity . She has the grasp of most words she hears and as a result of that she understands what the word means and whats its used for, now if I could only master that!!!!.

In the coming weeks Amelia will start dance class. Everyone in the family has noticed how much she loves to dance.. Just a few weeks ago she danced and sang Beyonce's "Halo" while she watched the music awards with her Grandma Somerville. Just what this world needs ..Amelia as a idol wanna be hahahahaha.

I wish I could say that this journey with Amelia has been all joy, but it has not.. Amelia has found her temper and its a LIVE one.!!
She does her very best to test and test and test her mother's paitence multiple times a day , and her brother has felt the rath of her temper a few times himself.. but being the big brother he is.. he does a real good job at keeping his own temper in check..Way to go Ethan, you have a heart and soul that we wish we had!!

Lastly I want to take a second to talk about Amelia's Mom
This woman has so much on her plate..She cooks she cleans she feeds the dogs she works 3 jobs one of them far away from home, and all this she does mostly on her own. I am hardly home so she does not have a husband to turn to .. It's all by herself and at her own expense.. I cant tell you all how much I wish I could just take her away some where nice , so that she might get a chance to re charge her batteries.. One day Honey.. one day...Thank you Sonya for all that you do , day in and day out ..With out you it all falls apart.. You are the piece that keeps us all together, and please know its not un noticed..I see it every time I go home and see the life in our kids eyes.

Well thats all for now, hopefully I will have some dance pictures to put up soon as Amelia loves to dance in her round in round ( that means dress in Amelia's world) hahaha!!!

Till next time remember...........With out love there is no you and me..with out love there are no children ..with out love there is no world..

Take care everyone.. love you all for reading.

Amelia's Daddy

Thursday, November 19, 2009

All is well

Hi everyone,

I have the greatest of news...Amelia kicked the nasty little bug she had... The Dr gave her a heavy does of medicine and with in 48 hrs she was back to her normal kick butt self.

I am so happy that once again she faced a little set back and continues to kick those things out of the way.

Since the holiday season is coming, I will be posting a few pictures as Amelia and her brothe rwait for the arrival of ol Santa Claus.

Talk soon ,

Amelias Daddy