Monday, February 9, 2009

Something personal

This is not my usual update , this is for my children.

Almost 6 years ago , Ethan you came in to this world , and everything I ever thought I knew changed in that instant. I really thought I knew what the world , what life , what being a man meant, till you came in to our world. On that April Morning in 2003 , it suddenly became very clear that i knew nothing at all about fatherhood , but you taught me somuch so very fast. The way you looked at me , they way you smiled at me, I was something so very special to you , this man with bug hands a big head who loved u more than anything he ever thought he could . We watched you grow... your first words were so amazing I can't even put the right words into a sentence to explain to anyone what that felt like.

Now your turning 6 , your a hockey player , your little sisters biggest hero, the man of the house.
Ethan , your daddy has made many mistakes in his life , some of which i am proud to have made, and others I wish I could do over again. I hope if I have given you anything , I hope i have given you a example of love. I love you so much Ethan. Every time I look at you , I see myself.. young , full fire, so smart , and so much the life of the room in which you are in. I know its a little confusing to you , when I leave , but as the time has passed you have grown use to it , and need me in a different way. I promise that no matter where I am , I will always have you in my heart , if I cant have u beside me , it better to have you there.. I love you son , you really are my everything.

My dear Little Lemon Drop,

I cant believe how much you have changed me. From the very second you were born , you have simply amazed me in ways I didnt know I could be. Every Father says that there daughter is the best , but no one has you for a daughter , that honour is mine. I knew and your Mom knew you might have a challange or two along the way , but to say that you have not met those challanges and beat them would be a lie. The past year and a half for you , has not been the picture that your Mom and I had envisioned for you , but what you have been able to do , what you have over come, and how you have handled it , is a story that any hero would look to for insperation . Every day that you learn a new word , in speech and in sign , makes me so very proud of you. It does not phase you , your laugh is so infectious it makes me blush. I know I have never been there enough for you , and that is my biggest regret in my life. I couldnt be there , I tried to be , but this world is harsh and a lot of things kept me from you, and one day Im sure your Mom or I will explain that to you. I love you Amelia , you are the moon, the stars, the rain and the sun to me, with out you , I would have never grown up .

I love you two babies more than anything, I miss you every second of everyday that I cant see you, hold you, hug you, and guide you .. You are both deep with in me ,and my heart needs you in order for it to beat.. Your Daddy loves you no matter where he is or what he is doing. I hope one day you know that , and feel it like I do.

Daddy must go now its late , and I cant stop thinking about how comfy you must both look tucked in your warm beds tonight. I wish I was there!

Love Daddy

Sunday, February 1, 2009

New equipment !

Hi everyone,

Now that the holiday season is long gone , I figured maybe now would be a good time to share with you some recent progressions in Amelia's journey .

As some of you parents that have a child with C.I's know , sometimes these wonderful devices that bring so much to your child's world and yours, can go kaput and trying to get things working right can be a uphill battle. Amelia has now had the experience. We have had the whole unit on the right replaced.. It seems her original equipment liked to shut off on its own, and Amelia is just a little to young yet to let us know if its not working. However she has figured out that she can just unplug herself when she does not want to hear Mommy raise her voice when she decides she wants to go on the misbehaving bus!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to take a moment to share with you a little moment I had with my little girl this weekend. As most Friday nights go I make the trek from Toronto to the Haliburton Highlands to see my family that I miss so much during the week. As always Amelia likes the whole house to be awake when she is up and about bringing havoc to the house hold here. This Saturday was a morning I wont soon forget .. Amelia woke me up , and did we ever have a interesting talk.. She was telling me a very very important story, I could tell it was important cause of her facial expressions. I only understood a couple of words , but the most important thing is she is trying to form the words, and that truly is special to watch. As we talked ,we made some play doe kitty cats , which was alot of fun , specially with play doe in your hair.

As most of you know the past year has been one of great progression. I have watched so much from a far, and at times I know I felt so lost , cause I could not be there the way I wanted too. As a Dad there were times when I felt like I was letting my little girl , her big brother , and my wife down. Thats easy to do when you spend to much time alone. I am so lucky to have the family I do , and I am so very blessed to have the friends that I have made the past few months. The people I met just a very short few months ago , have meant so much to me .. I could never thank them enough for everything they have done , by just listening and letting me vent...laugh , and even cry when I have felt the need too.. I wont go naming names but I can tell u 3 of them have been like Angels to me , and for someone who has no idea what religion means , I need to thank god for helping me find them.

Well thats about all for now... I will update again soon.

Till then... grab your mate , grab your friends...hold them and hug them... you need it more then you know ... The love of a friend... is the best love of all cause you choose to give it..that makes it the best kind of love.


Amelia's Daddy